The sun is shining again....

"It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. " - Theodore Roosevelt

The night before the marathon, my sister Glenda sent me part of this quote. I had forgotten all about it until this morning.

Thanks everyone for your comments, and for reminding me that I, too, have experienced a life change thru the past 9 months. After I wrote down my feelings in this blog, I went home yesterday, feeling defeated. As I climbed in bed, I prayed that God would clear my mind of all those feelings so I could see the lesson He wanted me to learn thru this experience.

Today is a new day, and I have found a new perspective. I did not fail Sunday because I didn't get to finish. Sunday was just the culmination of this journey, and the beginning of many more marathon journeys.

I, like my fellow MMers, dared to dream that I, too, could join the rank of the elite runners and be a marathoner. We trained in the rain, in the heat, in the cold weather; thru the pain, and the blisters, and the black toenails. We supported and encouraged one another to continue; and we suceeded at our goal, to make it to the Starting line of the 2007 Chicago marathon.

Yes, I could have pushed myself harder and be a faster runner. Would I have been able to finish all 26.2 miles? Only God knows. Regardless of whether you are a runner or a walker, the marathon is the same, 26.2 miles. Whether you finish in 2 hrs and 11 minutes or 8 hrs, the distance is still the same. And so is the glory.

I will finish a marathon, I'm sure. This one will always be special though. This one was the first one. This one catapulted me into the rank of "marathoner". This one started it all. Yes, it was cut short, but years from now, when someone asks which was your first marathon, I will proudly say "I was in Chicago in '07, the hot marathon". I have now become part of history.

I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to walk this journey with. All of you are amazing, from the fastest to the slowest, all of you are remarkable people. It isn't our speed that makes us great, it's our determination to complete the distance.

My running days are just beginning. I am planning to run many 5k and 10k in the future; and yes, marathons too. As Jana said, there is a time for everything, and my time will come to run many more marathons.

I am a runner now. I didn't know it 9 months ago, but I do now. There was always a runner in me, waiting to come out. Can't stop it now. Running is my time to myself, with nothing more than my thoughts and some good music to keep me company. I love leaving my problems out there, on the streets, and coming home refreshed and ready to tackle all the chores.

My daughter Candace asked me last night if, one day, when she runs the Chicago marathon, will I be there to cheer her on? I smiled, and with tears in my eyes, said yes. Then I thought, better yet, I will be there running with her!

That's what this whole journey was about. I wanted to set a great example for my kids. I wanted them to dare to dream the impossible dream (as Onetta said). When I hear my daughter say she will run a marathon, I know I accomplished my goal.

I can't say enough about Mark, Robin, Scotty, Matt and Wayne, who never let us give up on ourselves. I am campaigning to get more people to sign up next year so they too can experience this amazing journey. And also so I can have an excuse to come run with them :D

To all MMers, Thanks everyone for your kind words and your encouragement. They meant more to me than I could ever express.

To my husband Claude, the biggest Thank you for putting up with me, for supporting me, believing in me, and always encouraging me to continue to move forward. You are my rock, and I love you.

My kids, Candace, Cade and Braden, who never cared how sweaty I was, and were always ready to hug me after a run.

To my mom Amelia, sisters Iris, Joyce, Glenda, Indra- Thanks for believing in me from the beginning of this journey.
Special thanks to Joyce and Jeff, and their kids Stephanie and Aurora, for coming to Chicago to support me. It meant the world to me. Stephanie, I hope we can run a marathon together one day.

Thank you God for the opportunity to run and the health to continue doing it. Let's keep running, for ourselves and those who can't.
God bless you.

Short of a dream

"The significance of a man is not in what he attains but in what he longs to attain" ~Kahil Gibran

Here I am, back from Chicago. I thought I'd be blogging about the amazing experience of finishing my very first marathon, rather than about the disappointment of never seeing the finish line.

My emotions are conflicting, on one hand I am proud that I didn't quit. On the other, I'm very upset I didn't get to finish.

I am happy and proud of everyone who finished Chicago on Sunday. I know it was hot and difficult, but you did it and I'm so proud to be associated with such amazing people.

In my heart, I feel I could have been one of those people. Since Sunday's fiasco, I have done a lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking. I don't deal well with failure, and I failed myself Sunday. I failed myself throughout the entire MM training process.

I should have pushed myself out of the comfort zone during the training runs, I should have attempted to increase my running intervals as so many other people did. Instead I settled for my mediocre pace, because it was easier. I had plenty of excuses for why I didn't push harder: the kids, my job, family time. You name it, I used it.

The truth is there are no excuses. Increasing my intervals and getting out of my comfort zone wouldn't have affected my family time or time at work. I just let the excuses shadow the truth: I had settled for less than I was capable of.

I keep replaying Sunday in my head over and over again, and thinking of all the things I could have done differently. Should I have lined up further up in the pack, rather than in the very end? Would that have made a difference as to how far I was in the course when the whole thing was called off?

I see all the testimonials from my fellow MMers about how this program has truly changed their lives and I'm afraid I missed the point. Did I change? I settled for less than what I was able to give, rather than pushing myself farther. The program is awesome, it is me who missed the opportunity to use it to its full advantage.

I have a medal to symbolize the fact I didn't quit, faint, or stop running Sunday. I know everyone will say I did great, but it's hard to get over the fact I disappointed myself. I invested my time and my money, and forgot to invest myself in the process.

I have learned some valuable lessons though. I know now what I will do differently next time. I will push myself harder during training, I will definitely cross train more, and I will line up further up in the pack rather than at the very end.

I will give Chicago another chance. Maybe not next year, but I will return to Chicago and finish all 26.2 miles and wear a medal I truly deserve. My running days are not over, they are just starting.

Thank you to Mark, Robin, Matt, Scotty, Sheila, Clark, you guys are awesome and I couldn't have made it to Chicago without your help. A million thank you don't seem like enough.

Congratulations again to Mandy, who has inspired me more than she'll ever know. I'm so proud to know you and so proud of your accomplishment on Sunday.

One day closer

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. " Mark Twain

I thought this quote was perfect. Some of us have dealt with people who didn't believe we could do this. And many times, we are our worst enemies and we doubt our abilities to complete this marathon.

Think of Mark, Robin, Scotty, Matt, and Wayne. They have believed in us from day one. They've encouraged us to accomplish what we thought was impossible. They are the "really great" this quote talks about.

I'll be forever in their debt. Thank you

I have been receiving emails and pictures from CFC families who have learned (thru Brenda Conger, CFC Intl. president) about fundraising efforts. I'm so touched by their words of encouragement, and by their gratitude. I feel like I should be the one thanking them for allowing me the opportunity to do this for them.

By this time next week we'll be in Chicago!!! So excited. I'm a geek and in true geek fashion, I am planning a whole itinerary for Claude and I, including restaurants I want to try.
We are budget-people, and use cash only (No credit cards, woohoo!), so I have to know how much we intend to spend so I can fit it in our budget. what can I say, I'm an engineer, remember?

One of the places we are going to try is Brazzaz, a Brazillian steakhouse. I've been to a couple of churrascarias (their true name); one in New Mexico, one in Orlando. Meat lovers paradise. I'm always raving about it, so we have reservations to try one. I hope it is as good as the ones I've tried.

Then there is the Chicago style pizza we need to try. yum. and Cheesecake.