I am...

I am
I am from Banana Trees, from Panama Hats, and Polleras.

I am from the Casa Vieja where my mom grew up, with its dark rooms filled with memories, of the stories Abuelo would tell us while we sat on the porch, of the piles of golden rice he kept inside, and the sounds of the crickets in the lazy afternoons during the summer.

Of no electricity and hauling water from the natural spring that flows next to that old tree, of riding horses, and eating guavas right of the tree.

I am from the Chiriqui River, roaring behind Abuelo’s house, and the algarrobo tree in their front lawn where we spent breezy summer afternoons, pretending to fly when the wind would lift the branches off the ground and we held on to them.

I am from Nochebuena y Año Nuevo spent with family and friends, of Carnavales y processions during Semana Santa (Holy Week), from Amada and Amelia and Carmen.

I am from the family sticks together, and love and respect your older sisters as if they were your mothers; of loving our cousins as if they were our siblings and standing up for those who can’t do it for themselves.

From respecting your elders and always doing your best in everything you do. Of being proud of who you are and where you came from, and of understanding the value of an education.

I am from being raised Catholic, from praying the rosary with Abuela, and knowing prayers that have been passed down for several generations. I’m from having faith in a God who is merciful and kind, of believing in ghosts, praying to saints, and never eating meat on Good Friday.

I’m from attending catholic school most of my life, while learning about mediums, psychics and the power of the universe. I am from a mix of catholic doctrine and indigenous beliefs, of going to curanderos when something hurts, while lighting a candle for your health to be restored. I’m the kind of Catholic I want to be, secured in my faith and my beliefs and not afraid to say I don’t agree with man-made rules.

I'm from Panama, Spain, and the Guaymi Indians, of sancocho, arroz con pollos, platanos and tortillas.

From the woman who wasn’t afraid to raise her daughters alone with only a 6th grade education, from sneaking down to the creek for a swim and not telling Abuela, of running across the swinging bridge without our parents knowing.

Of starry nights sitting on the grass telling stories about ghosts and La Tulivieja, and staying up all night afraid something was lurking in the dark. Of dancing in the streets during Carnaval under the blazing sun and the cool water; of patriotic parades on Independence Day.

Of Jose’s courage, and Abuelo’s strength, of Abuela’s faith, Mom’s determination, and of Dad’s daydreaming.

I am from the little bench Tio Dany made for me when I was 3 and that Abuelo has kept for all these years; of the wooden stove where Abuela used to cook, and the sewing machine where she would fix Abuelo’s clothes while whistling a tune.

I’m from dancing with Abuela after dinner, under the light of a kerosene lamp with Abuelo watching as he smoked his pipe. I’m from the moments that were never captured in film but will remain in my heart forever.

Have any of you seen this writing exercise? A while back, my girlfriends and I completed it and emailed it each other (we are scattered all over the country). I thought about it today.

I am not alone in this journey. I have the strength of all the people in my family, those who came before me and are no longer here, the ones who still are, and those who are yet to come. I am the person I am today because of all these people. They believe in me, and that's what will help me get thru the training, and will push me across the finish line.
FYI, some of the things are in Spanish so I'll give you the translation
Polleras- national dress of Panama
Casa Vieja- my grandparents (Abuelo and Abuela) old house
Amada, Amelia, Carmen - grandmother, mom, great grandmother
Jose- my cousin who died of diabetes-related problems at age 33. he was like my brother.
Nochebuena- Christmas Eve
Ano Nuevo- New Year's
sancocho, arroz con pollo, platanos, tortillas - traditional Panamanian dishes