9 Years

Thanks everyone for your sweet comments. I am going to miss seeing everyone on Saturdays but I will promise I'll keep in touch. I will come cheer you on, and become part of the curb crew.

9 years ago today, my husband Claude and I went on our very first date. We have been together ever since. I knew he was the one a few weeks after we started dating. He had asked if he could go to church with me that Sunday. As we were sitting in church, I just knew he and I would be together from that point forward.

We have share quite a bit the past 9 yrs. We bought our first house together, got married, had kids, moved to TN, moved back to MS, survived marathon training. We have been there in sickness and in health, and for richer and poorer.

I am truly blessed to have found him. He is a wonderful husband and an amazing father. Best of all, he is my best friend, the one who believes in me, and who loves me, regardless of my flaws and stubborness.

The Blues

Am I the only one suffering from the post marathon blues?

Since we returned from Chicago, I've been in an emotional rollercoaster. Last weekend was quite hard, specially Saturday. For the first time in months, I didn't have to get up at 3 AM and meet the group for our Saturday run. I thought I'd be happy but I was actually depressed! Crazy, isn't it?

I haven't ran since Chicago either. I have been feeling completely exhausted, both mentally and emotionally. I can't seem to get enough sleep. I feel like I've been in a constant state of excitement these past 9 months, and all of a sudden, all those feelings are gone and I have no energy left.

I am going thru withdrawals (as Christa called them). I am ok with my decision not to train until possibly '09. But I'm going to miss this group. I can't even bring myself to close this blog!

On a different note, I just realized that the twins are getting close to the "terrible 2s". The tantrums have begun, so no dull moments in our household from this point forward.

A time for everything

A Time for Everything
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiates 3: 1-8

After a lot of soul searching and a lot of praying, I have decided I will not be running the MS Blues Marathon.

I trained for 9 months and attempted something most people never even think to try. I didn't finish, but I came closer to my goal than I ever thought.

As much as I would love to train for the MS marathon, the fact is my kids need me. I have missed out so much the last 9 months while in training, and I don't want to sacrifice my time with them in the next few months for my own selfish reasons.

Yes, I want to complete a marathon. But there will be others, and Mark/Robin/Matt/Scotty will be doing this for years to come so I can always join them later.

But now is my time to do things with my kids. The holidays are big at our house, lots of cooking and baking and now that Candace is old enough to help out, I want to spend that time cooking with her. I want to start teaching her to read in Spanish and take them to swimming lessons.

It is time for me to put aside my training and focus on doing things for them and with them. I'm not giving up running, just taking the next year to run for fun and travel with the kids. We are planning to go to Disney World and then later on go to Panama.

So there will be no Chicago '08 for me either. I think it's the best decision for me at this time. But I will be there, God willing, ready to start training for Chicago '09. I hope many of you will be there, because this has been an awesome group and I want to stay in touch with you for many more years to come.

Those of you running the MS Blues Marathon, I will be there to cheer you on, pom poms included!

The sun is shining again....

"It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. " - Theodore Roosevelt

The night before the marathon, my sister Glenda sent me part of this quote. I had forgotten all about it until this morning.

Thanks everyone for your comments, and for reminding me that I, too, have experienced a life change thru the past 9 months. After I wrote down my feelings in this blog, I went home yesterday, feeling defeated. As I climbed in bed, I prayed that God would clear my mind of all those feelings so I could see the lesson He wanted me to learn thru this experience.

Today is a new day, and I have found a new perspective. I did not fail Sunday because I didn't get to finish. Sunday was just the culmination of this journey, and the beginning of many more marathon journeys.

I, like my fellow MMers, dared to dream that I, too, could join the rank of the elite runners and be a marathoner. We trained in the rain, in the heat, in the cold weather; thru the pain, and the blisters, and the black toenails. We supported and encouraged one another to continue; and we suceeded at our goal, to make it to the Starting line of the 2007 Chicago marathon.

Yes, I could have pushed myself harder and be a faster runner. Would I have been able to finish all 26.2 miles? Only God knows. Regardless of whether you are a runner or a walker, the marathon is the same, 26.2 miles. Whether you finish in 2 hrs and 11 minutes or 8 hrs, the distance is still the same. And so is the glory.

I will finish a marathon, I'm sure. This one will always be special though. This one was the first one. This one catapulted me into the rank of "marathoner". This one started it all. Yes, it was cut short, but years from now, when someone asks which was your first marathon, I will proudly say "I was in Chicago in '07, the hot marathon". I have now become part of history.

I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to walk this journey with. All of you are amazing, from the fastest to the slowest, all of you are remarkable people. It isn't our speed that makes us great, it's our determination to complete the distance.

My running days are just beginning. I am planning to run many 5k and 10k in the future; and yes, marathons too. As Jana said, there is a time for everything, and my time will come to run many more marathons.

I am a runner now. I didn't know it 9 months ago, but I do now. There was always a runner in me, waiting to come out. Can't stop it now. Running is my time to myself, with nothing more than my thoughts and some good music to keep me company. I love leaving my problems out there, on the streets, and coming home refreshed and ready to tackle all the chores.

My daughter Candace asked me last night if, one day, when she runs the Chicago marathon, will I be there to cheer her on? I smiled, and with tears in my eyes, said yes. Then I thought, better yet, I will be there running with her!

That's what this whole journey was about. I wanted to set a great example for my kids. I wanted them to dare to dream the impossible dream (as Onetta said). When I hear my daughter say she will run a marathon, I know I accomplished my goal.

I can't say enough about Mark, Robin, Scotty, Matt and Wayne, who never let us give up on ourselves. I am campaigning to get more people to sign up next year so they too can experience this amazing journey. And also so I can have an excuse to come run with them :D

To all MMers, Thanks everyone for your kind words and your encouragement. They meant more to me than I could ever express.

To my husband Claude, the biggest Thank you for putting up with me, for supporting me, believing in me, and always encouraging me to continue to move forward. You are my rock, and I love you.

My kids, Candace, Cade and Braden, who never cared how sweaty I was, and were always ready to hug me after a run.

To my mom Amelia, sisters Iris, Joyce, Glenda, Indra- Thanks for believing in me from the beginning of this journey.
Special thanks to Joyce and Jeff, and their kids Stephanie and Aurora, for coming to Chicago to support me. It meant the world to me. Stephanie, I hope we can run a marathon together one day.

Thank you God for the opportunity to run and the health to continue doing it. Let's keep running, for ourselves and those who can't.
God bless you.

Short of a dream

"The significance of a man is not in what he attains but in what he longs to attain" ~Kahil Gibran

Here I am, back from Chicago. I thought I'd be blogging about the amazing experience of finishing my very first marathon, rather than about the disappointment of never seeing the finish line.

My emotions are conflicting, on one hand I am proud that I didn't quit. On the other, I'm very upset I didn't get to finish.

I am happy and proud of everyone who finished Chicago on Sunday. I know it was hot and difficult, but you did it and I'm so proud to be associated with such amazing people.

In my heart, I feel I could have been one of those people. Since Sunday's fiasco, I have done a lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking. I don't deal well with failure, and I failed myself Sunday. I failed myself throughout the entire MM training process.

I should have pushed myself out of the comfort zone during the training runs, I should have attempted to increase my running intervals as so many other people did. Instead I settled for my mediocre pace, because it was easier. I had plenty of excuses for why I didn't push harder: the kids, my job, family time. You name it, I used it.

The truth is there are no excuses. Increasing my intervals and getting out of my comfort zone wouldn't have affected my family time or time at work. I just let the excuses shadow the truth: I had settled for less than I was capable of.

I keep replaying Sunday in my head over and over again, and thinking of all the things I could have done differently. Should I have lined up further up in the pack, rather than in the very end? Would that have made a difference as to how far I was in the course when the whole thing was called off?

I see all the testimonials from my fellow MMers about how this program has truly changed their lives and I'm afraid I missed the point. Did I change? I settled for less than what I was able to give, rather than pushing myself farther. The program is awesome, it is me who missed the opportunity to use it to its full advantage.

I have a medal to symbolize the fact I didn't quit, faint, or stop running Sunday. I know everyone will say I did great, but it's hard to get over the fact I disappointed myself. I invested my time and my money, and forgot to invest myself in the process.

I have learned some valuable lessons though. I know now what I will do differently next time. I will push myself harder during training, I will definitely cross train more, and I will line up further up in the pack rather than at the very end.

I will give Chicago another chance. Maybe not next year, but I will return to Chicago and finish all 26.2 miles and wear a medal I truly deserve. My running days are not over, they are just starting.

Thank you to Mark, Robin, Matt, Scotty, Sheila, Clark, you guys are awesome and I couldn't have made it to Chicago without your help. A million thank you don't seem like enough.

Congratulations again to Mandy, who has inspired me more than she'll ever know. I'm so proud to know you and so proud of your accomplishment on Sunday.

One day closer

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. " Mark Twain

I thought this quote was perfect. Some of us have dealt with people who didn't believe we could do this. And many times, we are our worst enemies and we doubt our abilities to complete this marathon.

Think of Mark, Robin, Scotty, Matt, and Wayne. They have believed in us from day one. They've encouraged us to accomplish what we thought was impossible. They are the "really great" this quote talks about.

I'll be forever in their debt. Thank you

I have been receiving emails and pictures from CFC families who have learned (thru Brenda Conger, CFC Intl. president) about fundraising efforts. I'm so touched by their words of encouragement, and by their gratitude. I feel like I should be the one thanking them for allowing me the opportunity to do this for them.

By this time next week we'll be in Chicago!!! So excited. I'm a geek and in true geek fashion, I am planning a whole itinerary for Claude and I, including restaurants I want to try.
We are budget-people, and use cash only (No credit cards, woohoo!), so I have to know how much we intend to spend so I can fit it in our budget. what can I say, I'm an engineer, remember?

One of the places we are going to try is Brazzaz, a Brazillian steakhouse. I've been to a couple of churrascarias (their true name); one in New Mexico, one in Orlando. Meat lovers paradise. I'm always raving about it, so we have reservations to try one. I hope it is as good as the ones I've tried.

Then there is the Chicago style pizza we need to try. yum. and Cheesecake.

10 hrs 16 minutes...

It just doesn't seem real. As I type this, there are officially 10 days and 16 minutes until the official start of the marathon.

Should I start to freak out?

I'm very calm at the moment, which is quite unusual for me. I'm a worrier, and when something big is on the horizon, my mind goes into overdrive. But I feel quite confident that I can and will finish this marathon. God willing, I will be crossing the finish line on October 7.

I'm really excited about going to Chicago. This will be Claude (husband) first trip to Chicago (my 3rd), so I'm excited for him. He is going to be there to cheer me along the way.

I keep visualizing the day of the race and try to imagine what it will feel like to line up with thousands of other people, all of us with one goal in mind, to finish 26.2 miles. I just can't imagine how amazing it will be.

Between now and Oct 5, I have tons of things to do at work and at home. I have to get my race "outfit" ready for the big day. Mind you, I already have the main components, but I'm adding a few personal touches to make it "my own". I'm adding the CFC logo to the hat I'll be wearing that day, since I'm running for Lillian and all CFC kids and their families.
I have a small flag of Panama to attach to my clothes, so I can remember every step of the way those I left behind, and my home country.

It's hard to explain to anyone why the heart of an immigrant yearns for home. I love living here, but my heart will always miss home. My first memories were made there, and the essence of who I am was forged there. I left my country for the first time when I was 15, and my family moved to Costa Rica. It was close enough to home I could travel back during the school breaks, and the holidays. Then we moved here, on Dec 1, 1990. I have spent more than half of my life away from home and I still miss it.
Crazy, isn't it?

I'm looking forward to seeing other runners from Panama in Chicago. I checked the registration list a while back and there were at least 5 coming all the way from Panama. Exciting!

Last run together in MS soil this Saturday. Am I the only one who thinks the 1st mile, back at Belhaven, was the hardest? I think it was. I guess it was the first step to this amazing journey. It was the hardest for me because I could not fathom doing 26.2 miles, when I was so out of breath after walking one mile. Yet, here we are, getting ready for the big day.

Thanks Mark, Robin, Matt, Scotty, and my new found amigo, Wayne; for being so encouraging to all of us during this journey.

Why

13 more days left. Lucky 13.

It's amazing to me that just 9 months ago, I could hardly walk one mile. Now I'm at the end of my marathon journey. It's hard to believe that 2 weeks from today, we'll be on our way home with our medals and the satisfaction of knowing we have achieved a goal a few achieve in a lifetime.

Mark's blog got me thinking about why I will finish Chicago, why I will endure thru the fatigue, the aches and pains, and the discomfort so I can finish the marathon.

So here are my reasons why I will finish the Chicago Marathon.

1) Because I CAN.
So many people in this world can't do it because of medical/physical conditions. I am healthy and capable, and so I will finish for those who can't.

2) For my kids, Candace, Braden, and Cade
I want my children to know they can achieve anything they dream of. All it takes is determination, and hard work.

3) For my niece Lillian.
She is an angel sent to our family so we could be reminded that God is always with us.

4) For all the CFC children in this world and their families.
They have touched my life, and I'm honored to run this marathon for them.

5) For my grandfather.
I miss you, Abuelo.

6) For my cousin Jose.
Jose died 7 yrs ago, of complications related to his diabetes. He was 33. He was my brother, my friend, and I miss him very much.

7) For my mother, Amelia
She has taught me to never give up on my dreams.

8) For my sisters, Iris, Joyce, Glenda and Indra.
They are the rocks that support me, and they believe in me, even when I don't believe in myself.

9) For my entire family back in Panama.
Even though we don't see each other often enough, they are such a big part of my life. Distance can't sever the bond of family.

10) For my niece Stephanie
She has brought such joy to my life, I couldn't ask for a better role model for my daughter.

11) For my niece Aurora, and nephews Jesse and Jon-Luc
So that they will know that anything is possible.

12) For my husband Claude.
You are a gift from God, your love, your support and your patience mean more to me than I can express. Thank you for being there for me always, for believing in me, and for supporting me in every endeavor.

13) For myself.
So that I can always remember where I came from, how far I've come, and how much I have yet to accomplish.

14) For all the MM runners
Thank you for being there for me thru this journey. This experience I will cherish forever.

Restless sleep

Am I the only one having trouble with their sleep? I haven't had a good night of sleep since Saturday night. I have no problem going to sleep or staying sleep. The problem is I am not getting any rest. Let me explain. It's like I'm dreaming all night long. I can't remember the dreams, just that I had them.

And, of course, after I wake up, I feel like I haven't slept at all. *yawn*

I'm going to have some chamomille tea tonight and hopefully that will help. I know it's the excitement and nervousness of the marathon. That's how it usually goes when I have something big coming up. I can't sleep for days, except this time I really need to get some rest!

Lessons

I guess there are always lessons to be learned, aren't there?

We now have a double jogging stroller, in addition to our regular stroller. Since I am a marathoner, I figured I can now take the twins with me whenever I need to train during the week. That's the whole purpose of a jogging stroller, right?

So we head out into the streets of the neighborhood. Here I was, feeling pretty confident after Saturday's run, and thinking running with the twins will be a piece of cake after doing 20 miles.

WRONG! I forgot to take into account running 20 miles alone is NOT the same as running while pushing over 60lbs in front of you. The kids are about 23 lbs each, and the stroller weighs another 23 lbs.

Talk about a humbling lesson! I just couldn't do it. And the questions "Am I ready for Chicago?", "Can I really do a marathon?" came rushing into my head.
I had to remind myself that I will not be pushing the twins in Chicago, and that I am ready to do this.

So here we are, one day closer to the big day.

The final countdown

20 days until the big day. 20 days. wow. It has been an amazing journey. It has been difficult, painful, yet inspiring, and wonderful.

I didn't finish all 22 miles on Saturday. But I came as close as I could, about 20.5. It was painful to say the least. The big toe on my right foot started hurting at the first water stop. I headed to Fox Bay first so I could get it out of the way while I was still "sleep". Great idea. The toe was hurting and the pain went all along my foot. I thought about stopping but I was too far from my car, and my stubborn self wouldn't let me stop.

I walked for a while, to "stretch" them (if that's even possible). It hurt less when I ran, so I kept doing the intervals. I don't think it's the running that made my toe hurt, it was aching on Thursday. It is back to normal now.

Thanks to George, who did the last miles with me, I was able to make it. I was so ready to ask Robin for a ride at the last water stop. If it hadn't been for George, I wouldn't have pushed myself to finish. Thanks George!

I went home and sat in a tub of ice water for a while. Took a 30 min nap while the twins slept. Then we headed to Walmart, and finally went to bed around 8:30. I had a restless night of sleep, I think I was overly tired and just didn't sleep well.

I am nervous and excited, and so ready to get to Chicago.

Just keep going, just keep going...

One down, not many more to go.

My training last week was decent. Ran in the afternoon, it was hot but I think it helped me deal with the heat on Saturday morning.

Friday, I spent with a sick child. Candace has bronchitis and a throat infection, so I took her to the dr, and spent the day with her at home. Went to bed at 9 and was up at 3 AM. As I told Vickie, we are a bit crazy for getting up so early, knowing what waiting for us. ha. But we are proud to be crazy, aren't we?

I was feeling pretty good Saturday. My pace was slower than usual, and I did 1:1 intervals instead of my usual 2:1. I knew it was hot, and also knew it had been a while since my last "long" run. I felt pretty good overall, I didn't want to pass the 5 hr mark, so ended up turning around at the last water stop. I looked at Mark's direction, and that means I did about 18.5 miles. Not too shabby, I ended up walking back to Lakeshore. If I had had a granola bar I probably would have been able to run back, I was starving!

Overall, I felt pretty confident out there. I ran some 2:1 intervals when I felt like it and felt pretty strong. Those times when I thought I couldn't go any further, I thought of my niece Lillian, of all the CFC kids who can't walk, or eat, or talk, of the parents, and of my own kids, who have blessed me and are blessed with good health. Believe me, there is no stronger motivator.

I went home, took the required cold bath, 2 advils and finally took a nap around 4. Back to normal on Sunday, somewhat. My knees and feet feel great (thanks to new shoes) but my butt muscles hurt! LOL

Looking forward to Chicago. Like Cheryl said, I'm going to miss my Saturday runs.

In need of your help

As many of you know, I am using this marathon experience to help raise funds for CFC International. Following is the letter I will be sending out. So this is shameless plug, asking for your help too. Every little bit helps, and it would mean a lot to me. Thank you.

Dear Family and Friends:

On October 7, 2007, I will be facing one of the biggest challenges of my life, the Chicago Marathon!

The training I have endured will help me complete all 26.2 miles, but it has been my commitment to run this race in honor of my niece Lillian that has kept me training, albeit the heat, the rain, and the physical pain.

Lillian was born on April 22, 2004 by cesarean section after 24 hours of labor, and spent the first 10 days of her life in NICU, unable to breathe room oxygen. The doctors did not know why, and although there were plenty of "signs," only a physician who regularly encountered patients with a rare genetic disorder would have noticed them. There were also feeding problems, and obvious developmental delays. After being misdiagnosed at age 1, she was correctly diagnosed at age 2 with Cardio-Facio-Cutaneous Syndrome.

CFC syndrome is a rare genetic condition that typically affects the heart (cardio-), facial features (facio-) and skin (cutaneous). There is no cure to treat all of the symptoms of CFC syndrome. However, with proper management and early intervention, much can be done to improve the health of children with CFC. At present, treatment ultimately depends on the unique characteristics of each individual.

Because CFC is so rare (fewer than 300 documented cases of CFC worldwide), there were no "obvious" prenatal signs during Glenda’s pregnancy that a typical ultrasound at the obstetric clinic would pick up, and at the time, a genetic test for CFC was not available. Lillian’s diagnosis came only two months after a test for CFC was made available to parents like Glenda and Kevin. CFC International was instrumental in the development of this test.

CFC International is the only nonprofit organization that serves CFC children and their families from all regions of the world. Their mission is to help families deal with the challenges of raising a child with a rare and often medically involved disorder, and to educate the general public and the medical community regarding this condition.

Lillian’s case is mild in the scope of severity of this disorder. Still, the challenges she has faced in her life have been plentiful. Lillian did not roll over until she was 1, and finally walked at 27 months. Now at 3 yrs old, she is still trying to catch up, with the help of a team of physical, occupational, speech, and behavioral therapists. She continues to make progress, under the watchful eyes of her parents. Glenda and Kevin are thankful to God that allowed them to know a definite diagnosis to Lillian’s problems, and grateful for CFC International and the help they provide families like theirs. Nonetheless, her parents understand that only God knows what the outcome of Lillian's life will be and they will continue to "run with patience the race that is set before [them] . . ."(Hebrews 12: 1)

As I run the marathon thru the streets of Chicago, it will be Lillian and other CFC children around the world who will be on my mind and in my heart. The challenges they face and the courage they show amidst it all will be my motivation through those 26.2 miles.

CFC International relies on the support of individuals, families, corporations and foundations to fund its programs and research initiatives. I am asking for your tax-deductible contribution to help CFC International continue their efforts. A donation of $1 per every mile I will run would help greatly, but anything you can contribute will make a difference. CFC International is a nonprofit 501c (3) organization, so all your donations are 100% tax deductible. Please make checks payable to CFC International.

If you would like to learn more about CFC syndrome and the efforts of CFC International, please visit their website at www.cfcsyndrome.org.

Thank you so much for your support and generosity. If you want to make a donation, email me at panama10@gmail.com for more information, or mail your donation to:
Kayra Johnson
109 Longie Dale Lane, Hazlehurst MS 39083
Checks payable to CFC International

Who let the dogs out...

That seemed to be the theme for my run on Sunday morning.

I came down with a migraine on Friday afternoon. I hadn't had one like this one ever, and it progressively got worse. When the alarm went off at 3 AM, I was awake, in pain. It finally went away in the afternoon on Saturday.

I got up early Sunday and laced up my shoes, ready to do my 10 mile run. I left my house feeling really good. Around mile 2, I encountered dog#1. It was a small one, and his owner was outside with him. Apparently the man didn't care if his dog bit me or not, he never attempted to get the little pest away from me.

I continued on with my pepper spray in hand, and encountered dog #2. This one was a big one, and he wasn't afraid to get close, and didn't care I had a pretty big stick on my hand. I was ready to spray him and finally he backed away. I continued on, and decided to take a different route back home. I didn't want to push my luck with dog #2.

It was going well and I approached the new route and took it. I had gone a mile down that road, when dogs #3,4,and 5 came out of nowhere. These dogs were huge, about the size of lab each. I think I had a small heartattack right there.

I slowly started to walk away from them, with my pepper spray ready for anything. 2 of the dogs went back to their yards, but one of them followed me pretty closely, growling. I was at the verge of tears. I can run in the rain, with black toenails and blisters. But I cannot handle the thought of 3 dogs mauling me.

I called my husband and asked him to pick me up. The whole time I was on the phone, the dog was close by growling. Several cars drove by and the dumb dog didn't bother to chase them, he just wanted to attack ME!

My husband came to pick me up, and I was only able to do 5 miles. I was so mad! Unfortunately, those dogs were just passed the city limit and apparently dogs can be lose in the county. So I guess from now on, if I have to run, I'll be doing so in the track.

I ran yesterday for about 50 minutes. I stayed away from the roads and it felt so good to run. I guess the "break" I took was needed because I enjoyed the run. Even though it was 95 degrees.

Pictures

Counting down the days...

55 days left. The final countdown. No time for excuses. It's now or never.

There are just 55 days left until the biggest mental/physical challenge of my life. I know some people think pregnancy, specially with twins, would be harder but in my book, this marathon takes the prize.

I have been slacking the last few weeks. I lost my motivation and have had a very hard time finding it. Life issues got in the way, the weather hasn't helped either. Whatever the reason, I stopped training. I had no desire to get out on the road, no desire to push myself anymore than necessary.

Have I hurt my overall training? I hope not. There is no point in dwelling the past, I can't change it. I stopped training, with the exception of some walking, I haven't run in a couple of weeks.

Today is a new day, and a new page has turned. This is it. I have 55 days left to prove to myself I CAN do this. I committed myself to accomplishing this monumental milestone, and I'm going to do it. Whether I run or walk or both, I WILL finish Chicago.

I have a committment with myself to accomplish this goal. A committment to my family, who has been patient and understanding of my taking time away from them to train. A commitment to my fellow marathoners who believe in me, and have encouraged me along this journey.

Now is NO time to quit. I have come this far and I'm closer to 26.2 miles than I was back in January. Remember that first mile at Belhaven? I will never forget it. It's my baseline, the one I compare all my runs to. Every mile afterwards has been easier.

55 days until the big day. And even less days of training left. I have to make each training day count. I can't go back and run on the days I missed. But I can commit myself to train every day from this point forward.

How well I finish in Chicago is up to me. If I give it my best, and finish last, I'll be happy because I did my very best.
But I will never be happy with myself if I settle for less than what I am capable of.

Today is the first day of the rest of my marathon journey. On October 8th, the marathon will be over, and I will join that 1% of the population. More importantly, I will prove to myself I can achieve anything I set my mind to.

A day in the life

It's been a while, I know. Just not in a bloggin mood, and very busy.

New Orleans was great, I am so glad we decided to go. There were far less people there than we expected. It broke my heart to see this great city so liveless. I don't know if it was because I went during the week, but there weren't there as many tourists as there were pre-Katrina.

The twins were great, they behaved really well. They were so cute at the hotel. We stayed on the 10th floor, so they kept running to the windows and looking out, and pointing, talking, laughing. Just cute.
They woke up in the middle of the night and decided to make the most of it. Starting talking to each other, laughing, playing. I guess this was better than crying, but I was exhausted. They finally settled down around 3 AM.
They liked the zoo, but weren't as impressed with it as they were with the aquarium. I guess at 15 months, it's hard to appreciate the zoo. They loved the aquarium though, it's awesome to "rediscover" the world thru my children's eyes.

Even the ride there and back was good. It was exhausting, as you can imagine, dealing with all 3 of them. But they behaved well, and we are more confident with our ability to handle them in the big city.

Not much training recently. just lots going on. and I've been feeling exhausted.

My days begin at 5 when the alarm goes off. I have to be at work at 8 so in 3 hrs, I have to get ready, get the twins ready (they commute to Jackson with me), get Candace ready for school/camp, drive to Jackson, drop the twins off, and get here.

Afternoons are pretty much the same, get home, cook, feed everyone, bathe everyone, get them in bed, clean the kitchen, wash clothes, pay bills, watch something on tv to get my mind to unwind. Even though my husband helps out a lot, there is 2 of us, to take care of 3 kids and their needs.

Somewhere in there I fit in training, time with my husband, time with my daughter to read her a book, and time to myself. Finally in bed by 11 and before I know, the alarm is going off again. Assuming everyone slept thru the night, but that's a story for another time.

Chicago is closer! My daughter told me Tuesday one day she will run a marathon too. I told her I'll be there to cheer her on and I'll be so proud of her.

Final countdown

So here we are, closer to the marathon. yikes! As excited as I am, I'm also scared to death. This is a huge ordeal and soon it will be here.

I have given up on my attempt to train Monday. I hate Mondays, and it is so hard to try and do anything. I think it's partly because I'm still tired from the weekends. I had to go out in the field yesterday. Do you know how HOT it was yesterday? Well, I was OUTSIDE most of the day, watching the drillers install monitoring wells. NOT fun.
By the time I got home I had a headache, I think it was from dehydration.

I hope it doesn't storm today because I am planning on training. I'm all for running in the rain, but I don't want to get hit by lighting.

Tomorrow we are off to the Big Easy with the kids. We postponed the trip from the weekend to the week because we both need a break from our jobs. Besides, we won't have to deal with the crowds at the zoo. Hopefully the twins will enjoy it. I know Candace will. Last time we went to New Orleans was a month before Katrina, and we did the zoo and the aquarium.
This time we are planning to go to the Children's Museum, and the Zoo. Not sure about the aquarium yet, we are going to see how it goes, and adjust our plans depending on the weather.

This is the twins' first overnight trip. Wish us luck. The only out of town trip they've taken was for Christmas. We went to Claude's grandmother's (she lives in the Delta) and it was a 1.5 hrs trip. I hope they have a good time.

See you early and dark on Saturday! 18 miles, people! 18! I'm planning on taking it easy, stick with my 2:1 intervals and once I get into the "zone", maybe do some 3:1 for a while, and back to 2:1. I think that's my game plan for the remainder of the training.

Ooops

I decided to do my run here in town today. I knew it would be hard to get out of bed but I really didn't think I could get out of bed at 4 AM so I could meet with the group.

I got up at 5:30, made coffee, and got ready to go. Headed out the door as the sun was coming up. I had a good run, I actually got into the groove within the first 25 minutes and it was a smooth run from then on. Until the dogs chased me. 3 of them. I stopped, got my pepper spray, found a stick. That scared them off. I was beyond mad because I was "in the zone" and had to walk so they wouldn't come after me again.

I ended up going 9 miles. Ooops! I was having a good run and decided to go a little farther. Didn't think it would make that big of a difference. But I was more than happy, because even though I had to walk because of the dogs and traffic, I still managed to do it in less than 2 hrs. So I had a good pace and was feeling good.

I hope everyone had a good run today. I missed everyone but it was a very good, therapeutic run for me. I got to see my town in the early mornings, and actually realized how much I like this small town. As much as I would have loved to live in a place like Chicago or New Orleans, now that I'm older (and wiser) I'm glad I get to raise my kids in this small town.

Keep on training marathoners! Chicago is just around the corner!

Random tidbits about me

I need to get my blog into a "lighter" note. So here are some random things about me

~ I am 1 of 5 girls. I'm the middle child.
~ I have an irrational fear of the ocean. I get very anxious when I am near the ocean.
~ I love the mountains and would live near the mountains if I could.
~ Coffee is one of my favorite things. I like trying new blends, different roasts.
~ I love to cook
~ My favorite author/book: Gabriel Garcia Marquez (Colombian) and his book One Hundred Years of Solitude. He won the Nobel Prize of Literature with this book, and it's one of his best books. I read it for the first time when I was a teenager and have read it several times since then.
~ I learned how to drive when I moved to the US
~ Growing up, I wanted to be an astronaut or a lawyer. I still do.
~ I love to dance
~ I don't care for the color Pink
~ I don't like to wear dresses or skirts (except for the running skirt ;) )
~ I would like to write a book about my family, for my kids/nieces/nephews. There are so many wonderful people in our family that our future generations should know about.
~ I hate mushrooms, peanut butter, and pickles.
~ I'm terrified of snakes. I can't even watch them on TV.
~ I am constantly setting new goals for myself. I need something to work towards.
~ If money was not an issue, I would be a "professional" student. I love to learn.
~ I don't like to talk on the phone, specially when it's someone I don't know.
~ I'm shy, stubborn, and bossy.
~ I want to move back to Panama one day.
~ I lived in Costa Rica for 2 yrs before I moved to Mississippi
~ I'd like to run for office one day, at a local level.
~ I like red wine, and beer (not together, of course)
~ I believe actions speak louder than words.
~ I have no tolerance for racism or bigotry
~ I don't care for people who believe their way is the only way. What works for someone else may not work for me. We were meant to be different.

One day at a time

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. I really appreciate it more than I can express.

I have learned thru the years that I need to take it one day at a time. I can't do anything about the past, or the future. I have to live in the present, and face life one day at a time.

Cathy is right, I am in the house of pain. I won't stay here forever, but how soon I move on to the next stage it's partly up to me. I have to make an effort to learn more about this new job, so I can feel better about the decision I made to change jobs.

Without planning it, or even thinking about it, I have a found a great mentor in Sam (fellow marathoner). Some of you know him, he is also training with us. And lucky for me, he works here too. He has become my mentor without knowing it (thanks Sam), and it's great to have someone who knows this agency very well, listen to my concerns and offer advice.

If it hasn't been for MM, I am not sure I would have been lucky enough to get to know Sam better. So thanks MM.

One day at a time it's going to be my motto from this point forward. Chicago is getting closer and I have a lot to do between now and then. Not only do I need to stick to my training, I also have to get my fundraiser together. Hopefully we'll be able to raise a nice amount for CFC International.

So keep on training!

Life happens...

Thanks all of you for your kind comments, they mean a lot to me.

I haven't trained this week. Monday, my mom came over to visit so I didn't. I had a horrible headache Tuesday, and spent all day yesterday out in the field. It was hot and I ended up with another headache. Never mind that my feet were killing me from the steel toe boots I wore all day.

I got off the elevator this morning and fell. I had my hands full and didn't notice the elevator wasn't leveled with the floor, it was lower. I ended up tripping and falling on my knees. I am wearing pants, but still scraped both of my knees. ugh. if it isn't one thing, it's another.
So I'm staying in here until quitting time, to make sure nothing else happens.

And to top this off, I'm in a "job funk". Again.

Back in December, I took a new job. Until then, I had spent 10 yrs working on air pollution related issues. I loved it, I was good at it, and it was the area of environmental engineering I enjoyed. For a number of reasons too long to list (related to management, not the work I was doing), I made the decision to switch to another division, this one dealing with soil and groundwater remediation/cleanup. It is very interesting work and very different from what I've done in the past.

It's good experience, interesting work. But it's not where my heart is. I'm basically starting at the bottom again, learning something new. Where I was before, I had 10 yrs of experience, I knew what I was doing, people came to me for my opinion.
Here, I'm the new kid. It's very hard to start over at this point in my career, specially when I had my heart set on the work I had been doing for 10 yrs.

So this job funk has been growing in the past weeks. It's hard for me to find motivation to get up in the morning to come to work. I used to be excited about getting to the office and tackling the work. Now, I am going thru the motions, because that's what I get paid to do.

I'm sure this funk is moving across other areas of my life, like training.

Career change is not an option at this point. I have 3 small kids, so trying out something like teaching (which I'd like to do) isn't feasible because of the big paycut I'd have to take.
Moving back to do air pollution work is not an option either. I'd like to stay in this agency, and vacant positions aren't easy to come by.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I've had this chance to learn something new. It's just hard to start over, and to leave behind 10 yrs of experience and a job I enjoyed and was good at.

But there is hope in the horizon. Soon, we'll have our debts paid off, and that will ease the burden on our family finances. Maybe once that happens, I'll be free to explore other career options without having to worry so much about a paycut.

wow, now this was a depressing blog. sorry!

I'm still so excited about the marathon and I've started to visualize what it's going to be like on that day. Keep on running, marathoners!

Malfunction at Mile 9

Well, I didn't get to finish all 16 miles. I got up at 4, ate some oatmeal and was out the door by 4:30. I was a bit nervous about our 16 miles, but that's just 1 mile more than 15, so that's doable, right?

I was almost to Lakeshore Park when I started to feel queasy. I thought it was because I don't eat breakfast that early on a regular basis. I debated whether or not to turn around but I had driven for almost an hr to get there, I wasn't about to turn around without at least attempting the run.

So off I went. I wasn't so sure how far I would make it, so I figured I'd play it by ear. First I thought if I could make it to the first water stop, that'd be great. By the time I got there, I was feeling ok, still had some nausea but not so bad I couldn't handle. So I figured I go to Fox Bay and back.

It was on the way back from Fox Bay that my stomach couldn't take it anymore. Those miles were excruciating to say the least. So I was only able to do 9 miles.

I got home, to find out one of the twins was sick too with stomach issues. So spent most of Saturday on a Pepto Bismol diet while taking care of one child plus too healthy (and rambuctious) kids.

I was bummed because I didn't get to finish. At the same time, I was quite proud of myself because I completed 9 miles even though I felt pretty bad. I could have easily turned around and not try, but I'm a marathoner and we don't quit, do we?

Congrats to everyone who finished all 16, way to go!!! I am home today (my day off) stomach still not 100% but on the way to recovery. I'm looking forward to a run this afternoon, I have to take advantage of this nice weather.

Keep on running!

those who blog, jog

Remember when Mark told us that? So true. At least for me. I hadn't updated because I hadn't done any training. I know, I'm being awful. I was a bit weary of getting out in the rain Monday and Tuesday. The last few weeks I've been sick twice and I don't want to push my luck.

But I did train yesterday, in the heat. gosh it was awful. I went around 7 PM and it was so humid and hot, I was sweating buckets the first 2 minutes. Managed to get 40 minutes in, before it started to get dark. I was at the track and they don't turn the lights on after dark so I had to go home.

About my knees, Wayne, they are aching today. It's not a strong pain, more of a bother really. Still an ache though. I may need to see what my schedule looks like and pay you a visit.

Running, running, running

I think that's the theme for my life in general. I'm so glad I decided to do this marathon because I need that alone time, away from home, to get my batteries recharged.
oh, those of you who are wondering how I do it. I have no clue. It's by the grace of God I make it every day. Sometimes I find myself wondering how I have made it this far, with twins plus one, and only He knows how.

The fever left me Friday afternoon, so I decided to "run" the illness out of me. I left my house with my brain half sleep. thank you Mark for making us get up so early. The only way I would get in my car at 4:30 to go anywhere is if my brain isn't fully functional. ha!

It was a great run, even if the humidity was awful. Again, Christa made me push myself. I love you Christa! We agreed to up our intervals to 2:30/1 this week so we can run that on Saturday. It's great to have someone like her to run with on Saturday morning. now, none of you try to steal her, she is my running partner!!

I need to get new shoes because my left knee kept making all these popping sounds at the end. After I got home, both of my knees were sore. I had this problem earlier in the training, before I bought insoles for my shoes. So I figured it's a support issue, and that means it's time for new shoes.
And I need to stack up on gels, because they make such a great difference in my runs. So gels and shoes are on the agenda this week.

After I got home yesterday, I spent all day long with the kids, playing. They will not let me out of their sight, which makes it hard to nap after a long run.
But they are funny, and incredibly smart for their age. I enjoy watching them play, and interact with each other.

Cade loves to dance, he loves music. So we danced and he kept giggling. Braden loves to cuddle, so while Candace and Cade play, we just sat on the recliner and cuddle.

As for Candace, even though she is a "big girl", she loves to sit next to me and just watch movies with me. After the boys went to bed, we watched "Freaky Friday", giggled, and then I let her go to sleep with me. She loves to snuggle when it's just the 2 of us. I know she misses being an only child, specially when the boys are pulling her hair and fighting with her because she is sitting next to me.

Today would have been my grandfather's 95th birthday. I miss him. I think about him often, about the lessons he taught me and the things he used to say. Happy Birthday Abuelo, and thank you for everything.

eta: I went to the New Balance website and watched the video of the course. WOW. I had goosebumps just watching it. I may need 2 bandanas, one for sweat and one for tears, on that day. You know that lump on your throat you get when you are about to cry? well, it was there as I was watching the video! Imagine what it will be like on race day. WOW

Dreams

Quick update. Thanks everyone for your sweet comments.
Came home Wednesday with 102 fever. Took some tylenol, which helped only for 4 hrs. The lymph nodes in my neck are swollen too. bah.
I had planned to go to the doctor today, but Braden started throwing up last night. So no dr. for me.

I think dinner didn't sit well with him, not sure if it's a virus or not. He seems to be doing better, he has been eating crackers and cheerios the last 2 hrs and so far, it's keeping it down.

as for me, I haven't had a chance to think about my throat or the fever. funny how your illnesses magically "dissapear" when your child is ill.

I am planning on being there tomorrow for our very short 8 mile run.

Oh, about the title of this blog. I had a dream last night that I was at the marathon. But there was no one from MM there. I was all alone! I was terrified, looking for a friendly face to run with me!! Then I got lost, couldn't find the course, or anyone to help me find it.

At the end I had found the course again, and was back on the race when I woke up. Scariest part was not having other MMers around!

I love training with all of you. thank you!

It is hard to believe we completed 15 miles in the rain!!! I had missed the last 3 long runs, so I was a bit hesitant about this one. Thank you to Christa for making me push myself out of the comfort zone. I did the same intervals as her most of the distance. I don't know how you do it Christa, but as we get closer to the end, you get more energy!!

so here is a list of lessons learned while running in the rain.

• Running in the rain is fun. Running with wet shoes/socks isn't. It makes for good XT though.
• I hope it rains the day we do 22 miles.
• I need new shoes. My knees are achy today and I am sure it's the shoes.
• You CAN push thru the pain and discomfort and achieve your goal.
• I found my mantras, the ones that keep me going "No pain, no gain", "you can do this, you gave birth to 3 kids", "do this for Lillian (see insert at the bottom of the blog", and "remember Uncle Jimmy".
• It was such an amazing sight to see all these people, in the dark, getting ready to run. What an inspiration!
• I enjoyed seeing the faster people waiting on us, the slow ones, and cheering us on.
• Chicago is going to be an amazing experience. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.

The countdown continues...

I've been in a blogging funk. Just don't have much to say these days. Trying to get back into training mode, time is running out!

I am beyond excited about the marathon. Wow. Come October, I'll be a marathoner!

Thanks Mandy for the compliments on my kids. I think they are cute too, but then again, I'm biased. lol.

Best part, they are wonderful people. They make me laugh, even when I'm feeling blue. They know when I need a hug, a kiss, or an "I love you". Unconditional love. I can't imagine my life without them, they make me a better woman every day, simply by being a part of my life.

99 days and counting...

There are only 99 days left until the Chicago Marathon!!!!

How exciting! I was in Chicago this week for a training class. I went downtown on Thursday and walked along some of the streets that are on the marathon route. I tried to imagine what it'll be like to see the streets lined up with millions of people. It was so exciting! I can't wait to go back, Chicago is one of my favorite cities.

The trip wasn't without highlights. We had our shares of mishaps but it's all part of traveling. We flew Delta and had a connection in Atlanta. It was storming when we arrived in Atlanta on the way back. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 9:30 PM. We finally boarded the plane at 2 AM. I crawled in bed at 4 AM and slept 2.5 hrs before the twins woke up.
That's one thing I dislike about traveling. I'm just glad to be home.

Missed this morning. Going to do the 8 miles in the morning before church. I was up a few times with the boys, I guess now that I'm home they missed me. When the alarm went off at 4 am, I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I hate I missed everyone.

I really need to get back on schedule. Time is winding down. I find that as we get closer, I am already thinking about "the next one". I know I want to run Chicago at least once more, and then maybe Marine Corps, New Orleans, Hawaii?

99 days, and we will be crossing that finish line. 99 days...

Great party!

My husband and I had a great time at the party. Although I have to confess I was a bit jealous because all of you had accomplished something so awesome. You are half marathoners!!! Way to go! It was great to see all of you smiling and happy, and so proud of yourselves.

I wish I had been a part of it but I decided to wait and get better before going such long distance. I don't want this to turn into something worse, and then have to sit out even longer.

I still have some congestion and a pesky cough that just started. Did I mention I can't hear out of my left ear? yeah, I just hope my ears don't burst tomorrow on my flight to the Windy City. We are not staying downtown (bummer) because the class is in Des Plaines. I hope we get a chance to make it to downtown Chicago though.

Have a great training week everyone. I'm going to get on the treadmill at the hotel and see how it goes. I want to be ready for our 7.5 miles on Saturday.

I'm so proud of all of you, you are Marathoners!!!

Feeling Better

Hi everyone, thanks for the well wishes.

I feel better, although I'm not 100% better just yet. I felt really good yesterday, I even thought I could probably run on Saturday.
But woke up this morning with a headache and very congested.

So I'm going to play it by ear. I am going to set my alarm for tomorrow and decide if I'm going to run or not, depending on how I feel. I hate to miss it but I don't want to push it and have this minor thing turn into something huge.

I will, however, be coming to the party with my husband. I haven't decided what I'm bringing yet, but we'll both be there. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone, it seems like it's been forever since I saw you.

Still here

Well, it's been a while. I decided to come in to work even if just for a few hrs so I can start to get used to a normal routine.

Went to the dr. Monday. I have a pretty bad infection in my throat, two lymphnodes on my neck are swollen, and he gave me a shot and more antibiotics to take. Still have a lot of congestion but at least my throat no longer hurts. Problem is, I can hardly hear because my head feels like it's full of gunk. frustrating.

I asked him about training. Dr said to take it easy. Not a problem considering my energy levels are very low these days. I was planning on staying home one more day but the twins were restless sitting at home and I really need to get caught up with work.

I had a dream last night that I was running. I guess I am missing it. I'm worried about Saturday (for obvious reasons), I'm not sure if my energy level is going to be back up by then. That's one of my reasons I decided to come to work, to get my body used to moving around again.

Cold, the kind that requires medication

I think I have a cold. The sinus crud has translated into more of a cold. I had a fever last night, so no 6 miles for me. As much as I wanted to get out there (and believe me, I was tempted), I do feel weak and I need to let my body fight this thing. I have to be ready for Saturday.

But, as it normally goes for moms everywhere, being sick doesn't mean you get to stay in bed. Candace had rehearsal at 9, so I was up and about early, fever and all. She looks so adorable with her outfit and pink tutu. I will have pictures, I promise.

I came home to take meds. I have to run some last minute errands today so I need to be able to go. I'm thinking I may end up going to the dr. on Monday if I don't feel better. I usually end up with a sinus/ear infection after having a cold and I want to nip it before it gets too bad.

Funny that Christa mentioned the writing thing. I've been telling my family for a while now I'm going to write a book about my family and all the crazy characters in it. LOL I still think I will write something out for the younger generations. One of these days...

Learning from my kids

I usually blog about being tired from all the running around. I don't want to sound like a complainer. I love my life. I cannot imagine having a different life, or not having my kids. Yes, I am busy most of the time, and yes, there are moments when I can't seem to get enough rest. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The biggest lessons in life I've learned from my kids. Even though they are young, seeing the world thru their eyes makes it all brand new.

My daughter, Candace, has such a beautiful heart. It never ceases to amaze me how kind and thoughtful she is. I have learned a great deal from her, specially how to forgive and move on.
Sometimes it's easier to hold on to a grudge, isn't it?. Aren't we suppose to forgive? I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I prayed for a daughter, and I was blessed with her. She loves everyone, and always tries to make sure everyone is happy.

Braden (the one on my lap in the photo) is such a happy soul. Always smiling, from the moment he opens his eyes. You can see pure joy in his eyes, every time he discovers something new, every time he gets something accomplished. He loves life, and seeing the world thru his eyes makes my life such an incredible blessing.

There is so much wisdom in Cade's eyes. Every time he looks at me, I wonder if he can read my thoughts. He is more laid back, more cautious, alway observing, paying attention. He has a temper, though, and it's not afraid to show it. He loves books, and he is so careful with them. He enjoys being outside, and loves music and giggles every time he hears something he likes.

I wasn't planning for twins. It was quite a surprise when the doctor said there were 2 in there. But now, I can't imagine not being their mother. I think God gives all moms a little something extra to help us deal with the difficulties of parenthood. Those of us with multiples get an extra dose and an extra pair of angels to carry us thru the hard times.

Every day I'm reminded that I'm setting an example for them. They are going to learn from me how to be a sibling, a spouse, a son/daughter. But what I'm learning from them is priceless. They make me a better person, simply by loving me unconditionally.

I've been dealing with sinus/allergies all day today. Can it get any hotter? geez. Not sure how much training I'll get today, between sneezing and blowing my nose, I'm not sure how much running I can get done.

HOT

I'm not sure I like this weather much. How much hotter is it going to get? geez.

Thanks everyone for your support. I hate to complain, because I love my kids and can't imagine not having them. Mental and physical exhaustion got the best of me on Sunday.
After I got thru blogging, I had a cup of chamomille tea, and watched Shrek with Candace. That was nice, it helped me relax and I slept well, all night even!

Twins are doing better about sleeping all night, I think before long they will no longer need me in the middle of the night. Or so I hope.

I was off yesterday, at least from my paid job. I had mountains of laundry (I hate doing laundry) so I took everyone to daycare and tackled the mountains. I'm happy to report I'm almost done with everything. I was still feeling blah so no running for me.

Spent all day today in Meridian in the SUN and HEAT. Another hot day scheduled for me tomorrow, I'll be in Collins. Sinuses/ allergies started to bother me, so I had to stop at the Walmart in Newton to find some meds. The joys of summer.

This weekend is my daughter's dance recital. They are having dress rehearsal in the morning, so I'm going to do my 6 miles in town. That way I won't have to worry about getting back on time to take her to rehearsal. Recital is that night, baptism in the morning, and it's back to work on Monday.
My weeks have been flying by, before I know it, it'll be October!

Exhausted

So after my blog yesterday, I finished cleaning the house. My mom came over to visit for a couple of hours, then I headed to the grocery store. I came crashing at 11 PM (no nap for me yesterday), only to be awaken by screaming monkies. Or at least that's what they sounded like. Twins were up at 12:20. Gave them some milk, headed back to bed. Once again, one of the twins was up, this time at 3:12. He wasn't happy, that's for sure. He was congested and has another tooth coming. Not a good thing. Crawled back in bed, and before 7 AM, I could hear both of them across the house, calling for someone/anyone to come get them.

Husband said he would go, but apparently they didn't want him, because they threw a fit when they saw him. ugh. So I got up. I had invited our priest over for lunch after church, so I had to get everything ready anyway.

After they went down for a supposed nap, I crawled in bed, hoping for at least one hr of sleep. Apparently Cade decided sleeping is overrated. He was up 20 min after I put him down, and never went back to sleep.

I completely exhausted. I haven't been this tired since the twins were first born. To the point, I started to sob when I heard Cade crying this afternoon. It was automatic, I couldn't help it.

They are crying now. I'm beginning to think running a marathon is EASIER than raising twins. These 2 are probably the most stubborn people I've ever known. and yes, they get it from me. still, give mama a break!

On the road again, back on the road again...

I made it! 12 miles! I was scared that my body wouldn't make it all the way. Funny how different situations make you feel different about yourself.
When I was pregnant with the twins, I never doubted that I could carry them to term. I knew having 2 babies with 2 sacs would double the weight I was carrying, and would put strain on my body, but never thought I couldn't do it. There wasn't an option, I had to make it. And I came 6 days short of the target date the doctors and I were aiming for. My body was pushed to the limit, and I made it.

Is running a marathon harder on your body? I don't know, maybe. Still, I need to look at it the same way I did my pregnancy. There isn't a choice, I have to make it.

I started today a little hesitant. I didn't do the 11 miles last week and I didn't know how my body would respond. To top things off, I was up twice last night with the twins, so I was sleepy and tired. But as it usually goes, the excitement of being around other MMers (who are in the same boat as me) made my fears go away.

I started doing intervals of 1:1, I didn't want to push too hard at the beginning. I was feeling really good (even attempted some 2:1) until I got to Fox Bay. The way back from there was HARD. It was hot, I got very hot at one point and had to take the tank top off just to cool off. My toes began to cramp, I remember Mark said to wiggle them so I did. Then my hamstrings started to ache. As if that wasn't enough, as we approach the bridge (sorry, not familiar with the area or proper names ;) ), a cute dog came out. Nancy saw him first, we weren't sure how friendly he was at first. Then he started to follow us. If he hadn't had a tag, I would have taken him with me, he was so cute!

While on the bridge, my left knee popped a few times. No pain, I just felt the pop. It felt a bit weird afterwards, still no pain though. I was done by then, I was hot, tired, and my legs could not go any further. All I could think about was my car, and how far away it was LOL

But I finished. all 12 miles of it. WOW. It seems like nothing when I say it (knowing that there is long way to go until 26.2) but when I tell people, they are in awe at what I've done. and yes, they think I'm probably nuts.

More importantly, I'm in awe at how far I've come. I never jogged before, never attempted anything remotely close to this. The mere fact I can complete 12 miles, come home, play with the kids, and grocery shop is a miracle to me!

Funny sidenote: I went to Fleet Feet yesterday to get some gels. The twins and I had been shoe shopping at the mall (for them, not me) and I needed gels so off we went to FF. The young guy who helped me had this "omg, you have twins" look in his face. I wonder if he thought I was lost, or in the wrong store. He definitely seemed surprised to see me in there with 2 kids in a stroller. I think once I asked him for the gels, it convinced him I wasn't lost.

Of socks and men

I figured out yesterday that I need new socks. I have a few new pairs I use during the week, and the thicker ones for the weekend runs. Couldn't find the ones I wanted , so I grabbed a pair I bought when we first started. I could tell they needed replacement. Weird how socks make such a big difference. So I'm planning on a trip to Fleet Feet this afternoon to get socks and gels for tomorrow.

About men. I'm convinced men have PMS. There is a time every month when my husband acts hormonal, for no reason at all. He denies it (he is a man after all!) but it is real. Has anyone else noticed this with their husbands?

One of the symptoms is his inability to do the simplest things. Like feeding the kids. Any other day, he can take care of them without any problem. But during PMS week, he can't even get a bottle of milk ready without complaining. Yesterday was one of those days. I grew more and more aggravated as the time passed. I fed the kids, bathe the twins, and by then, I was ready to put him out of the house.
Instead, I got my shoes on and off I went. 3.5 miles later, I came back (it was getting dark by then) and all my frustrations were gone. And his PMS was gone too. LOL

Thank God for running. Otherwise I would have stayed in the house, aggravated, and probably would have ended up picking a fight over something dumb. Those 3.5 miles help cleared my head and I felt good when I came back.

I have a confession to make. I'm so scared of doing 12 miles this week. I keep telling myself I am ready, I've come a long way, I've done 10 miles, 2 more will be icing on the cake. I know it's mental, my body feels fine once I get going. I need to get past this hurdle. I'll be there in the morning, and when I get thru with my 12 miles, I hope to have left my fear somewhere on the side of the road.

and some good news, my mom finally made it home!!! I talked to her last night when she arrived at the airport. Glad to have her home.
She brought the little bench I mentioned in yesterday's blog. My grandfather kept it and used it all these years. last time I saw him, he said I could bring it back when he was no longer here. Until then, he wanted me to loan it to him.
Now the bench is here, and suddenly I realize my grandfather is not coming back. It may just be wood, but he and I had a great bond and this piece of wood had a very special meaning for both of us.

I miss him.

I am...

I am
I am from Banana Trees, from Panama Hats, and Polleras.

I am from the Casa Vieja where my mom grew up, with its dark rooms filled with memories, of the stories Abuelo would tell us while we sat on the porch, of the piles of golden rice he kept inside, and the sounds of the crickets in the lazy afternoons during the summer.

Of no electricity and hauling water from the natural spring that flows next to that old tree, of riding horses, and eating guavas right of the tree.

I am from the Chiriqui River, roaring behind Abuelo’s house, and the algarrobo tree in their front lawn where we spent breezy summer afternoons, pretending to fly when the wind would lift the branches off the ground and we held on to them.

I am from Nochebuena y Año Nuevo spent with family and friends, of Carnavales y processions during Semana Santa (Holy Week), from Amada and Amelia and Carmen.

I am from the family sticks together, and love and respect your older sisters as if they were your mothers; of loving our cousins as if they were our siblings and standing up for those who can’t do it for themselves.

From respecting your elders and always doing your best in everything you do. Of being proud of who you are and where you came from, and of understanding the value of an education.

I am from being raised Catholic, from praying the rosary with Abuela, and knowing prayers that have been passed down for several generations. I’m from having faith in a God who is merciful and kind, of believing in ghosts, praying to saints, and never eating meat on Good Friday.

I’m from attending catholic school most of my life, while learning about mediums, psychics and the power of the universe. I am from a mix of catholic doctrine and indigenous beliefs, of going to curanderos when something hurts, while lighting a candle for your health to be restored. I’m the kind of Catholic I want to be, secured in my faith and my beliefs and not afraid to say I don’t agree with man-made rules.

I'm from Panama, Spain, and the Guaymi Indians, of sancocho, arroz con pollos, platanos and tortillas.

From the woman who wasn’t afraid to raise her daughters alone with only a 6th grade education, from sneaking down to the creek for a swim and not telling Abuela, of running across the swinging bridge without our parents knowing.

Of starry nights sitting on the grass telling stories about ghosts and La Tulivieja, and staying up all night afraid something was lurking in the dark. Of dancing in the streets during Carnaval under the blazing sun and the cool water; of patriotic parades on Independence Day.

Of Jose’s courage, and Abuelo’s strength, of Abuela’s faith, Mom’s determination, and of Dad’s daydreaming.

I am from the little bench Tio Dany made for me when I was 3 and that Abuelo has kept for all these years; of the wooden stove where Abuela used to cook, and the sewing machine where she would fix Abuelo’s clothes while whistling a tune.

I’m from dancing with Abuela after dinner, under the light of a kerosene lamp with Abuelo watching as he smoked his pipe. I’m from the moments that were never captured in film but will remain in my heart forever.

Have any of you seen this writing exercise? A while back, my girlfriends and I completed it and emailed it each other (we are scattered all over the country). I thought about it today.

I am not alone in this journey. I have the strength of all the people in my family, those who came before me and are no longer here, the ones who still are, and those who are yet to come. I am the person I am today because of all these people. They believe in me, and that's what will help me get thru the training, and will push me across the finish line.
FYI, some of the things are in Spanish so I'll give you the translation
Polleras- national dress of Panama
Casa Vieja- my grandparents (Abuelo and Abuela) old house
Amada, Amelia, Carmen - grandmother, mom, great grandmother
Jose- my cousin who died of diabetes-related problems at age 33. he was like my brother.
Nochebuena- Christmas Eve
Ano Nuevo- New Year's
sancocho, arroz con pollo, platanos, tortillas - traditional Panamanian dishes

I run because I need an excuse to eat!

Yesterday, I was craving a candy bar, so I got one out of the snack machine. After I ate it, I knew I had to go and run because I needed to burn all those calories.

So I headed to the track after I left everyone eating. Ran 4 miles! The first 20 minutes were hard because it was so hot and humid. I kept telling myself "just 5 more minutes", that became my mantra. I got to 30 minutes, and the mantra changed to "I made it to 30 min, let's go for 40 min".
I started to feel really good after 30 minutes and so I stopped worrying about time, and focused on intervals. Started with 1.5 min intervals and went down to 1 min. After I got into the groove of things, I started going 2 minutes. By the time I stopped, I ran for 3 minutes without stopping and could have kept going another minute. I was so excited, it was a great workout.

I was so tired I crashed and hit the snooze one too many times this morning. Thankfully the kids slept all night, they've been doing that a lot lately and I'm hoping they'll stick with it from now on.

I'm looking forward to training tonight, I need to get new music on my iPod. It's amazing what a difference it makes to have some good music with me when I'm out by myself. I don't want to stop because I want to keep listening to the music. Those of you with kids know, listening to your music is a treat. At my house, we listen to kids' music more than we listen to anything else. lol

New month, new attitude

I'm hoping to begin this month with a bang, and keep up with my training the best I can.

I hate that I missed Saturday but was still sick. To make matters worse, Braden got the same bug I had, so we were both sick most of the day. bah. I have finally regained my energy and will get out and run tonight.

This month is going to be a busy one for sure! We have dance recital on the 16th, the twins are being christened on the 17th, Father's day on the 17th, Half marathon on the 23th, Chicago work trip on the 25th... I'm tired already just thinking about it.

But we are getting closer and closer to the big day, I think when the countdown clock hits the double digits I'm going to start panicking. lol

Keep on running, marathoners!

Not a good training week

The holiday on Monday just threw my whole week off. I didn't train on Monday, I didn't train on Tuesday. I did go on Wednesday and trained (even though there was so light right) for 30 minutes. Yesterday, I was in Hattiesburg all day long. It wasn't too hot but gosh, it was humid. I was sticky by the time I got home, and my hair looked like a poodle's.
By the time I got everyone fed, it was raining so I called it a day.

Woke up this morning with some sort of stomach bug. I'm not sure if it was something I ate, or a bug. Anyway, took 2 different types of medication, waited until they started working, and then headed to work. I have a slight headache, and I'm not feeling 100% today. I'm hoping I'll feel better by tomorrow morning, otherwise I'll have to forgo the run and do it Sunday alone. I don't want to do 11 miles alone. *sigh* So keep fingers crossed that I get my energy back by 4 AM tomorrow (that's what time I have to get up to make it by 6).

I need to get more gels too. My husband, the "energizer bunny", decided to see if the energy jelly beans actually worked. So he ate them. Ok, he does NOT need any help in the energy dept. I think he ended up going to bed sometime around 1 AM. nuff said.

I hope to see you in the morning.

Aaachooo!

Allergies. The poor air quality the past few days hasn't exactly helped. Congestion, headaches, sneezing. Add bloating, crankiness, and you have a deadly combination.

Saturday's run was great. Teamed up with Amy again (thanks Amy!) and finished at a decent time. I'd like to increase my pace, I want to finish in less than 8 hrs. But one day at a time, right?
Didn't get my haircut because I was too sleepy/tired by the time I got home. My son Cade was very clingy, I think he still was feeling crappy so that made it even worse. Try holding 2 toddlers, and making room for a 5 yr on the recliner. Fun times.

Headed to church Sunday morning. My niece was being confirmed, I'm her godmother and confirmation sponsor, so I had to be there early. Made it with just 5 minutes to spare. The more I try to be on time, the more I'm late. What's going on? It was a beautiful (long) service, but had to leave before I had a piece of cake at the reception because Candace was hungry.
Went home, and did nothing the rest of the day. Played with the kids and that's about the extent of my XT for Sunday.

Slept late (until 8) on Monday. I still remember when sleeping late meant getting up at noon. ha! Then we headed to Mother in Law's house for lunch. The kids had a great time, I had a chance to relax, we stayed all afternoon and came home around 5. I was so sleepy and didn't get my run in *blushing*. Why are Monday's so hard?

I'm looking forward to next month. My mom is finally coming home on June 7. I can't wait! I'm very much a "momma's girl".

*warning* vent to follow *warning*
I didn't start this whole marathon to lose weight. But I figured I would lose some weight because it came with the territory. Guess what? I have lost NOTHING and have actually gained a few pounds. It is so frustrating! I checked the BMI and according to that scale, my BMI (26) is on the overweight range.

My issue has more to do with my clothes no longer fitting than with the numbers on the scale. The longer I train, the bigger I get. I no longer know what to do. I'm not a junk food eater. My biggest splurge is a Coke once per week, I eat small portions, and I think I eat fairly healthy (no cheeseburgers on a daily basis, no ice cream at night, etc).

So why are the pounds NOT dropping? I thought maybe I didn't really have anything to lose BUT according to the BMI scale, I'm not where I should be! I haven't exercised this hard in my life, not even before the kids. I did weight training before I had kids but never had I gotten this much exercise. I know I have at least 10 lbs to lose, so why am I not losing them?

Ideas, suggestions? I've started Weight Watchers again to see if that helps. It helps to think about what's going into my mouth so I'm going to try and see what happens.

Operation Hydration in progress

I have been drinking water since I got up this morning, hoping that I will be fully hydrated by tomorrow. Actually I have been hydrating all week, drinking a minimum of 64 oz each day. Yesterday was the one day I didn't do so good, so I'm hoping to make up for it.

Growing up, my dad wouldn't allow any kind of soft drinks in the house. We had fresh orange juice and water to drink. Lots of water. His cure for everything was water. I used to think it was funny but now I'm thankful he got that habit instilled in me. I drink tons of water on a daily basis.

We had a rough night. Cade had a fever so I gave him Tylenol. Unfortunately, Tylenol makes him hyper, just like it does his older sister and twin brother. I didn't know it until last night. So he was cranky because he was tired and couldn't sleep because of the effects of the Tylenol. Lesson learned.

Did anyone watch Oprah yesterday? She had a show about depression. It was excellent, in my opinion.

See you tomorrow!

Hardly a superwoman.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Being a part of this group is great for my soul. You are such a wonderful group of people, and I'm enjoying getting to know you better.

I had to leave work early yesterday. Daycare called because Cade had a fever. He was very lethargic, so I knew right away it was not from teething. I took him to the dr. this morning, he has pharyngitis. It's viral, so no meds other than Tylenol. But he ate lots at dinner, and played for a while. Now I'm hoping that if Braden is going to get it, he gets it now so they can both be well by Tuesday.

I went for a run this afternoon. 52 minutes. It was harder than Monday because of the humidity. 10 minutes into it, I felt like I was melting. yuck. But I still enjoyed it, and ran most of the way home!!! Definitely a good workout. A bit achy because I didn't hydrate much today. Going to fill 2 containers up with water tonight, and leave them in the fridge. Goal is to drink both tomorrow. I need to be ready for Saturday.

Oh and haircut is set for Saturday after the run. I'm so excited I can hardly wait!

I have discovered the joy of running

Up until yesterday, I've been going out and getting my training because I have to. It's part of this bigger commitment so I just did it. That's my nature, I'll set a goal and I will achieve it, no matter how hard the road gets.

Even though I have enjoyed the Saturday runs, the weekly training has been hard. For starters I train alone during the week so it gets tidious, and boring. Until yesterday.

I was having an off day yesterday, feeling twice my age and double my size by the time I got home. I got ready and after leaving food for everyone to chow down while I was gone, I headed out with my iPod and my hydration belt.
Since my watch does not vibrate to alert me of the intervals, I had to decide whether I wanted to listen to the iPod or the watch. iPod won.

I started walking to warm up, and then decided to run when I felt like it, and walk when I needed to rest. What a difference! At first it was difficult, but once I got into it, I realized I was running for longer periods than I normally do (I train in the same area so I know I can run from A to B in my given interval).

I was actually having FUN!! I don't know if it was the music, or the fact I wasn't timing my run, or a combination of both but the aches, and pains left me and I was actually running for the joy of it. Such an awesome feeling! I know I've heard Mark say "Have fun" before, but until now (sorry Mark) I kept thinking "yeah, right, whatever". How could anyone have fun while training for a marathon? I obviously had missed the point. We are training to complete the marathon, not to win, not for personal records (at least not me), not for a set finish time. This should be fun, and until now I had failed to see that.

This had become a chore in a never ending list of chores. It was right there along with bathing the kids, doing the laundry, cleaning the house. It was on the "Things I HAVE to do" list, not on the "Things I WANT to do" list.

Something happened out there yesterday. Maybe it was the music, or the fact I ignored my watch, but I truly enjoyed the time I was out there. all 50 minutes of it. I could have kept going but I didn't want my husband to panick since it was getting dark.

So I think I'm going to forget my intervals during the week. I know I can run 1:30 intervals without a problem, so I'm going to do that on Saturday. If I feel I can go faster, then I move up to the next step. But during the week, I'd like to stick with having fun. At least until having fun becomes the norm, and intervals become an added bonus.
(That is, unless Mark advises otherwise).

Still looking like an ungroomed Poodle

That's the best way to describe my curly hair in this kind of weather.

I left work and drove to Clinton to get my hair chopped off for a good cause. I went thru the paperwork stuff, and then a girl starts to section my hair off into several ponytails. I told her she could cut it right below my ears (which is as short as I usually go). Another woman starts yelling at her to stop because my hair is not long enough.

So I asked her what is she talking about. She said I needed 8 inches. I only had 7 inches, and apparently I wanted to cut it too long. OK, I like short hair but I don't want to go bald over this. I leave the bald do for my husband to sport. I thought that was short enough but apparently it wasn't.

So I left the place with my hair untouched, and upset. I have been letting my hair grow for a whole year with this purpose in mind. I can't stand my hair when it gets long, specially in the summer. I haven't had my hair this long since High School!!! So I'm getting a haircut Saturday after our run, and the American Cancer Society is getting a check instead of my hair. Bummer.

By the time I got home I had a headache. Twins didn't help matters either, since they were tired too and decided to tell me so by screaming. I still managed to cook dinner, and feed them. I didn't get out to do anything, I was exhausted.

So I'm going to do my Monday routine today, my Tuesday Tomorrow and that should catch me up to Thursday. I usually don't XT on Wed anyway. I know, I should, but I can barely squeeze the running days into my weeks as it is.

oh, and if any of you go to church at Morrison Heights Baptist, kudos to everyone there. They were shuttling people from their parking lot to the haircutting place. Everyone was so nice, and the shuttles were great.

I run because I need energy!

It's amazing how running gives me so much energy for the weekend. That's a great thing, considering I have 3 very active kids waiting for me at home every Saturday morning.

Their fevers went away early Friday morning, so I ventured out to Walmart to get some things we needed. I had the 2 boys in a stroller, the shopping cart, and my daughter to keep up with. I don't know if people were looking at me because they felt sorry for me or because they thought I was nuts. LOL But I made it. The boys were very good and so was Candace and I managed to get everything I needed (and then some).

Saturday's run was great. Thanks to Amy who let me tag along with her. I really enjoyed those 9 miles, we chatted most of the way, which made things so much easier. When we got to the half way point, it didn't really feel like we had gone that far. I hope to tag along with her next weekend too.
I went home and managed to get some lunch ready for the kids, put a roast in the crock pot, and even took a short nap. I was exhausted by the time I got in the bed, but at least I was able to make it thru the day.

Yesterday was our anniversary # 7. Amazing how the years have flown by. We have gone thru a lot in the past 7 yrs and always managed to come out stronger in the end.
Mother in law took the kids to a pool party for my nephew, while hubby and I went out for our anniversary lunch. Came home and tackled the biggest job of all, cleaning the kids' room. Gosh, I think I rather do 9 miles than cleaning my daughter's bedroom. How can someone so small make such a mess. I rearranged her room (so it's harder to hide the mess), fed everyone, got everyone ready for bed and crashed around 10:30. Needless to say, 5 AM came way too soon.

Lately, when people ask how many miles I'm doing now, I'll say 9, as if that wasn't a very long distance. LOL Most people are in awe at the fact I can complete that distance, while I keep thinking "piece of cake". how crazy is that? I'm looking forward to our half marathon and the party afterward, that's for sure.

oh, as Chuck noted, I got a new hat. It's lighter fabric and it made a big difference. I started to get a headache at the end, so I think it may be dehydration (even though we stopped at all water stops and I had my water bottle). and no, it was not the logo. ;)

I get to cut my hair today!!! I'm so looking forward to this, I normally wear my hair short, and letting it grow for a year is more than I can handle. But it's for a great cause, and I'm sure someone is going to appreciate the gesture.

Keep on running, marathoners! I'm off to hydrate, this is going to be a long week.